In the red?

The concept of a "joint account of goodwill" is a useful way to think about the emotional bank account that exists between two people in a relationship.

Just as a bank account contains deposits and withdrawals, a relationship account contains positive and negative interactions. Every time a partner does something positive, like expressing love or doing something kind for the other, a deposit is made into the account. Conversely, every time a partner does something negative, like being critical or disrespectful, a withdrawal is made from the account.

 The balance of the account reflects the overall health of the relationship. When the account is in a positive balance, the partners feel connected and supported by each other, and the relationship is likely to thrive. However, if the account is overdrawn, the partners feel disconnected, resentful, and unsupported, and the relationship is at risk of failing.

It's important to note that an overdrawn joint account of goodwill isn't just the result of one major negative interaction. In fact, it's often the accumulation of many small negative interactions over time that leads to the account being overdrawn. These negative interactions can include things like forgetting important dates, not listening actively, being critical or dismissive, or not showing appreciation. Taking your partner for granted is the most common way of making a withdrawal from the joint account of goodwill.

 Restoring a relationship with an overdrawn joint account of goodwill requires a concerted effort to make positive deposits. This involves recognizing the negative interactions that have contributed to the overdrawn account, taking responsibility for them, and making a conscious effort to replace them with positive interactions. This can include things like expressing appreciation, showing empathy and understanding, making time for each other, and being affectionate. Small gestures add up.

 When there is a positive balance in the account, the relationship can sustain the likely small missteps that are a part of even the healthiest of relationship. However, when the account is overdrawn, restoring a joint account of goodwill can be difficult, and it's important to recognize when the relationship may be irreparably damaged. If one partner consistently withdraws from the account without making any positive deposits, it may be time to reassess the relationship and consider whether it's healthy to continue. Ultimately, the health of a relationship depends on both partners' willingness to make positive deposits into the joint account of goodwill and to avoid making negative withdrawals.